Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
third nipple confirmed
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
