im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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