im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
