What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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