I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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