i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
