people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's shark week go big or go home
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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