Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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