i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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