You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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