pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
