i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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