Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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