Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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