Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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