I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
