i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You made out with two different species that night
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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