so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize