i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
