i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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