god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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