I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
