Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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