Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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