return my video game
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
