the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
