somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize