Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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