I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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