Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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