I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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