Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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