nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
