Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
