new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
