Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
