I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
