Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
