I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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