Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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