I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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