My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize