got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
