he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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