i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
