He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
