Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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