One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
