It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
