i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
