Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
