Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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