come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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