I wish I could teleport
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
