The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
