Swine flu. Run for my life!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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