Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
