Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
