Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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