her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
