I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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