ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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