i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
