I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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