I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
