Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
