And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
